Today, while hanging my washing on the line (unshod, dancing with the hot pavement and the ants), I heard a small voice call, "mum?" By habit I almost replied, "I'm out here, darling!" before realising the small voice was coming from the opposite side of my fence and not only that, but it was the voice of a girl, not my son, and several years older, too. I think its a universal thing for mums to respond to that call like a nervous reaction, once you do it enough times. It was one of those moments where you realise exactly where you are in life.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.
Thinking of posting audio journal entries rather than written ones, because I don't have time to write and yet I very much feel the need to communicate to someone, somewhere, what's going on in my day-to-day life (if only to collect my thoughts, you know?). I feel overwhelmingly detached from my peers and it sucks. I have had to give up on three, yes, THREE potential relationships in the past year for no reason other than the fact that I simply have no time to give the person the attention they deserve. And I so desperately need adult, non-family company, just to give myself some relief from parenthood and everything that has come with it.
The lack of time is due to the fact that I am bringing up a three year old with Autism by myself, which is made that much harder due to my own ADHD, sensory processing difficulties and depression. These invisible "disorders" of mine each have symptoms which feed off the others', worsening the symptoms to such a point that I am so overwhelmed by them that oftentimes I find myself utterly unable to function!! Not only in my home life, but even socially. I've become completely socially awkward, where I used to make friends wherever I went.
When I chose against aborting my pregnancy I understood and made peace with the fact that single parenthood meant sacrificing my chances of ever finding a partner to love and settle down with. I still am at peace with that; it is empowering to know that I can do what I do without relying on (and potentially being let down by) a romantic companion. But, three years down the track, sacrificing my social life completely?! Yeah, not good for me OR my son.
The point is, I am thinking I need to explore other ways of reaching out to people, because obviously what I'm doing now isn't working. And if I can educate people about ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders at the same time, that would be fricken awesome. Especially considering people with ADHD and ASDs are more likely than neurotypical people to find reading journal entries out of the question (then again listening to podcasts could be out of the question for some, too).
The question is, how many of you guys are likely to listen to a podcast spoken by yours truly?
And by the same token, what would you (if there ARE any of you, potential listeners) be interested in hearing me talk about?
This would probably all be posted on my LJ or a separate LJ account.
Adios, bitches. ;)